


You Will Never Lose Me

by alivinghumangirl



Series: Let's Screw Our Way Through the End Times [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Castiel (Supernatural), Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Coda, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Episode: s15e09 The Trap, Idiots in Love, M/M, Missing Scene, Porn with Feelings, Season/Series 15, Smut, Top Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:16:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alivinghumangirl/pseuds/alivinghumangirl
Summary: “You’re everything to me, Dean. Do you understand? Everything.”What Dean wanted to say in reply was ‘I love you’ but somehow what came out was, “Shut up and fuck me”. He might have some issues. Cas knew that though. Dean kissed him with his heart in his mouth and hoped that Cas could feel all the things he was too afraid to say.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Let's Screw Our Way Through the End Times [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022551
Comments: 12
Kudos: 150





	You Will Never Lose Me

**Author's Note:**

> I was so happy that Dean actually told Cas he forgave him in 15x09! This picks up where the episode left them, sitting quietly in the kitchen.

Cas was watching Dean with quiet concern. His expression was so gentle that it broke his heart a little. He knew that Cas was scared to upset the fragile truce between them. Worried that anything he said might be the thing that pushed Dean away again, made Dean push him away. He should never have let Cas go. How could he do that to his best friend? To the man he... loved. He was so scared to love him, could barely admit it to himself, never mind to Cas. He tried not to think about it as they sat silently at the kitchen table. Now was the time for drinking, not for thinking. He swallowed the last of his whisky and wondered why he hadn’t bought the bottle over to the table with him. 

“I thought I’d lost you.” Dean hadn’t meant to say the words but they spilled out anyway. 

“You will never lose me.” 

Cas was looking at him with an intensity that was hard to see but equally hard to look away from. Dean wished he could accept the strength of Cas’s feelings, the strength of his own. He just wasn’t sure how. Anger was the only thing he truly knew how to feel. It was pure. It filled him up and consumed everything else. It was simple, it meant he didn’t have to feel hurt or hope. Hope was the hardest. He wanted to hope but he was terrified to do so. Scared to want things, scared to believe that he could have them, scared he’d mess them up if he got them. Maybe that was why he kept pushing Cas away. He was going to mess this up. Better on his terms, right? Push Cas to go before he realised how little Dean was worth and left anyway. He didn’t want to push Cas away anymore though. All he wanted was to draw him close. He wanted to take in the love that Cas was looking at him with and wrap it around his heart, where it would keep him warm, where he could keep it safe. Something of his fear must have shown on his face because Cas leant across the table and squeezed his hand. 

“It’s all right, Dean. We’re all right,” Cas told him. 

He didn’t know how to answer, Cas’s words or his feelings. He got up and said, “I’m going to go to bed. Will you come?” 

Cas just nodded and rose from the table. 

Dean breathed a sigh of relief. Sex was simpler than emotions. Dean knew the two went together when it came to Cas but he couldn’t help focusing on the physical. That was the part he knew how to do. He could make Cas happy in bed, let Cas make him happy, in a way he couldn’t quite manage outside of the bedroom. Dean gave him a quick whiskey flavoured kiss before leading Cas to his room. 

As soon as he shut the door behind them, Cas took Dean’s face in his hands, holding him still while he looked at him seriously. 

“You’re everything to me, Dean. Do you understand? Everything.” 

What Dean wanted to say in reply was ‘I love you’ but somehow what came out was, “Shut up and fuck me”. He might have some issues. Cas knew that though. Dean kissed him with his heart in his mouth and hoped that Cas could feel all the things he was too afraid to say. 

Cas returned the kiss gently. Dean was caught between the urge to savour his tenderness and the urge to push it away, to demand they fuck hard and fast, two bodies joining, nothing more. His heart got in the way though, his heart always got in the way. The walls came crashing down because his heart reached for Cas. He didn’t just want two bodies joining, he wanted two hearts meeting, two souls mating. 

“Come to bed.” 

Dean laid down and pulled Cas atop him. The weight of the other man felt like the only thing anchoring him to this world. Reality was solely made up of the two of them. They kissed languidly for a long time, lips meeting sweetly, taking soft slow licks into each other's mouths. Cas’s hands moved in his hair, stroked down Dean’s sides, rasped against the stubble on his cheeks. Dean’s hands just stayed on Cas’s back, clinging to him tightly. He couldn’t seem to release his hold on Cas’s trench coat. He didn’t ever want to let him go. Cas broke the kiss for a moment to look at Dean, to look inside him. Dean rubbed the side of his face against him, like a cat marking him with his scent. _Mine, mine, mine, everyone needs to know you belong to me. You need to know._ He slid one hand up from Cas’s back to his head and pulled him in for another deep kiss. Cas groaned and thrust against him lazily. Dean moaned in return and finally let go of his death grip on Cas to shove his coat down over his shoulders. 

“Off. I want you naked.” Dean wanted no barriers between them, not even clothes. 

Cas knelt up and removed his coat, followed swiftly by his shirt and tie, tossing them carelessly to the floor. He leant down to help Dean out of his own shirt and t-shirt, then paused disrobing to kiss his mouth and then his neck, stopping to linger on the spots he knew were sensitive, licking up the side of his throat and sucking just beneath his ear. He continued down his body, kissing and licking and sucking until he got to Dean’s waist and began to remove his pants. Dean’s erection bobbed free and Cas placed a quick kiss on the head. It was a chaste kiss, not a prelude to seduction. It was more like a greeting, as if to say, ‘hello my old friend, it’s good to see you again’. Then he continued to draw Dean’s pants down his legs. Dean toed off his socks while Cas quickly got rid of his own pants and socks before laying down on him again, naked flesh pressed against naked flesh. They kissed with growing urgency, lips and hands becoming more insistent. Cas sucked hard on the side of his neck, leaving a mark where anyone could see it. 

Dean rolled Cas over and worked his way down his torso, showering the smooth skin with kisses. Dean loved blowjobs, not just receiving them- though naturally he was a fan of that too- but giving them. He loved taking Cas’s hard length in his mouth and swallowing him deep. He loved how Cas always started out careful, not thrusting, not holding the back of his head down. But what he loved most was how, in the end, Cas always lost control. Cas would fuck into the welcoming warmth of Dean’s throat, pushing deep inside, grabbing his hair and pulling his head even closer as he thrust. At first, Cas had been so sorry whenever that happened, but after a while he’d realised that it was what Dean wanted, to be taken like that, to be the willing instrument of his pleasure. Dean could only trust tender kindness so far, he trusted wild abandon more, that was when he truly believed Cas wanted him. He lapped at the head of Cas’s cock before taking him in his mouth. Cas moaned when he sucked lightly on him. He held still though, the hand on Dean’s head didn’t grab or push, just lightly stroked his cheek. He hummed happily round his mouthful making Cas groan louder. He sucked and licked until he could feel Cas moving restlessly beneath him and knew that he wasn’t far from losing control. Much as he loved choking on Cas’s cock, Dean realised that he didn’t want that now. Later, he’d take his time worshipping Cas’s cock with his mouth. Right now, he didn’t just want sex, he wanted closeness and connection too. He wanted his whole body pressed against Cas. He wanted to be able to look into Cas’s eyes. He wanted to be able to kiss him while they made love. He moved his hand from the base of Cas’s shaft and slid it down between his legs, touching him lightly. 

“I want to be inside you,” Dean said hesitantly, feeling unsure of his welcome and unworthy of being granted entrance to Cas’s body. Afraid to ask for something instead of just offering.

“Yes,” Cas said. He really didn’t care who was inside who as long as he was with Dean. 

Grabbing the lube, Dean set to work gently preparing Cas. He eased a lubricated finger inside him, moving slowly in and out until Cas’s body was relaxed enough to accept another. He pushed his fingers a little deeper, gently pressing to find the right spot. He heard Cas’s sharp intake of breath as he found his prostate and rubbed against it. 

“Now, Dean, _now,”_ Cas ordered, pushing in to his touch. Then added, “please,” because he was the type to be polite during sex, right up until he lost control that was. 

Dean could tell he was on the cusp of losing it now. He smiled down at Cas affectionately, taking in his heightened colour and his quickened breathing. He was so grateful that Cas could weather the storms of his temper and still give himself so freely to Dean, even after all he’d said and done. Cas nudged his calf impatiently with a foot. 

“Hurry up. I want you inside me.” 

“Pretty sure you have me inside of you,” Dean said, moving his fingers teasingly. 

“Your fingers aren't the part of you I want inside me and you know it,” Cas huffed but kept moving in tandem with those fingers anyway and moaning at the feel of them. 

Dean was driving himself just as crazy as he was Cas, so he withdrew his hand. He poured more lube into his palm and coated his length with it. Cas was watching him, so he gave himself a few extra strokes just to feel the heat of Cas’s eyes on his cock. Finally, he pushed inside him slowly. He paused for a moment, letting Cas hold him in his most intimate embrace. This was where he belonged, in Cas’s arms, in his body. 

“Cas... I...” He couldn’t find the words. He felt so much but he could never find the words. 

“I know, Dean, I know.” 

Dean kissed Cas desperately and he returned the kiss with equal fervour. He drew back slightly and watched Cas as he thrust inside him. Cas held his gaze and eagerly canted his hips up to meet him. Dean broke the eye contact only to kiss Cas again. He kissed his mouth, his cheek, his neck, while he moved gently inside him, murmured his name and caressed his body with careful hands. They rocked together leisurely for a long time before Dean’s measured thrusts took on a more frenetic quality. Cas wasn’t the only one who tended to lose control when they fucked. He made a happy little noise at Dean’s change of pace and gripped him tighter. His blunt nails were digging into Dean’s back in a way that he knew from experience would leave a mark. The little points of pressure spurred him on. He grunted and fucked Cas harder. He shifted his hold from Cas’s hip to move his hand between them. Dean was close and he wanted Cas to come before he did, while he was still inside him. It only took a few strokes before Cas was clinging to him and shouting his name as he came. Then Cas wrapped his legs around him and held on while Dean chased his own orgasm. He thrust hard, burying himself deep in his lover’s body and spilling inside him. 

Once he’d caught his breath, Dean drew back to look at Cas. He was wearing a satisfied smile and Dean trailed his fingers over his lips, cherishing that joy. His heart felt full of feelings he couldn’t name. Dean didn’t know that he was crying until he saw a teardrop fall on Cas’s cheek and realised that it was his own. He swiped it away with his thumb and hid his face against Cas’s shoulder, mumbling apologies. Cas squeezed him, tight and reassuring. 

“It’s all right, my love, it’s all right. I have you,” Cas said as he hugged him close, one hand running up and down his back in soothing motions. 

Dean lay there and let himself be held, let himself be loved. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos if you liked it because I crave your validation the way Dean craves his father's approval! I'd love to hear from you if you want to leave a comment too :)
> 
> I knocked this out in one day after watching the episode this morning, so hopefully it's not too rough.


End file.
